Anna Marcet Haldeman-Julius to Jane Addams, 1919 (fragment)


[first page(s) missing] I am in perfect health and experience no inconvenience of any kind. As I never have any nausea I eat just whatever I would ordinarily and proceed along as I would under other ordinary conditions. It gives me great happiness to carry a child and when I think of Alice it gives me an exquisite thrill to think how wonderful it will be to have two. I wanted Alice, but this baby I actually long for. Before Alice came, I visualized a rather dim, impersonal baby. I wanted her because I loved all children. But this time I am aquiver with a delicious, quiet excitement at the prospect of another little Alice or another Alice in masculine form. It is [page 2] so real to me already. I thought when Alice was coming I was just as happy as a woman could be, but ever since I have known about this baby there has been such a still, [shining] joy filling all my heart and mind and soul that every now and then I am filled with self reproach that I could have felt less than this for Alice. In this mood I [illegible] up Alice, herself -- or did when I was with her -- and then it burst upon me -- of course I couldn't feel like this until I had actually had one. It is Alice herself who has taught me the profound unutterable sweetness of being a mother. It is when [page 3] I hold her close to me that I understand most completely how that same unutterable sweetness must deepen with each child.

And do you know while I quite wanted Alice herself to be a boy, I don't care a red cent whether this baby is a boy or a girl. It wouldn't be humanly possible for me to love any son more than I love Alice. Another little Alice will be sweet enough for me. I have come, Auntie, to worship and cherish Alice almost as much as I worship and cherish Manuel.  

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